I don't remember learning to tie my shoes or how to put on my clothes in the morning yet I am able to accomplish these things each day without thought. I was taught at an early age by my parents and this task was "installed" in my memory.

Many of these physical tasks are routine and happen automatically as our brain is able to bypass a longer process of recalling what was learned and then apply this to the present situation. This is helpful in most tasks during the day so we can get things done efficiently without wondering if we button our shirts differently depending on the color of the button.

Learning how to be in a relationship was accomplished the same way. As a baby, we learn how to be in relationship with others through our relationship with our parents. This idea of how to give love and receive love is installed as a template at a very early age. 

There are times where our template doesn't work. You try what you know to express love and are unsuccessful and without another strategy or template, you can begin to feel stuck. This happens in relationships with our loved ones and also with our children. We meet our children's needs, often how they were met for us. These processes, much like tying our shoes, can be reactive and automatic with greater intensity when we are stressed. It happens quickly in our brain without slowing down to determine if this is the best strategy for expressing our love. 

Stopping the automatic reactions of our templates can be difficult and often the hardest first step is recognizing when we are reacting from a template we learned early on in life. Just as we learned these templates in relationship, it easier to see them and talk about them in relationships with those we trust. Creating intentional space with others to slow down and examine the templates that were installed early on is a valuable gift you can give yourself. 

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Infant mental health refers to how well a child develops socially and emotionally from a very young age. Infant mental health services strengthen a child’s relationship with their caregiver to promote healthy development by supporting family strengths, values and culture. Families can have stressful experiences that impact these important relationships and services can help families heal and grow. Below are some possible reasons for a referral for services:

During Pregnancy:

1. Is the mother at risk for depression, substance abuse or domestic violence?
2. Does the mother feel alone or abandoned? Is the baby's father deployed or absent?
3. Does the mother or father have a trauma history?
4. Is the mother experiencing on-going family conflict or a high amount of stress?

After Pregancy:

1. Did the infant require medical care after birth or otherwise separated after birth, such as a stay in the NICU?
2. Do the parents appear to connecting with the infant? 
3. Do the parents have a hard time consoling the infant?
4. Are the parents very anxious with the infant?
5. Does the infant have on-going medical needs? Having feeding problems, sleeping problems or failure to gain weight?
6. Is the infant difficult to care for?

Infant mental health services are developed to support families with very young children through relationships. By seeking services with an endorsed Infant Mental Health Specialist, families can expect counseling in a safe and supportive environment with a professional that has specialized training and expertise in working with very young children and their families. Schedule an appointment or phone consultation to discuss how these services can help your family. 

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