What Does "Rough Sex" Actually Mean, and Why Does That Matter?
Herbenick, D. & Galper, E. F. (2026). Rough Sex: A Conceptual and Empirical Review. The Journal of Sex Research, 63(5).
The Question
What do researchers actually mean by "rough sex," how common is it, and what do we know about its risks, its appeal, and its relationship to consent and violence?
Who They Studied
This is a review article, not a single study. The authors bring together findings from dozens of studies across multiple countries, including several U.S. nationally representative surveys, college campus surveys, and qualitative interview studies from the U.S., Australia, Germany, Iceland, New Zealand, Sweden, and elsewhere.
What They Found
There is no single agreed upon definition of "rough sex." Practices commonly included under the term range from hair pulling and spanking to choking, slapping, and name calling, and no single practice is considered "rough sex" by all people who use the term.
Rough sex has become common and increasingly normalized among young people, with prevalence differing by gender: men more often report initiating these behaviors, while women more often report being on the receiving end, though transgender and nonbinary adults report high rates of both giving and receiving.
Choking specifically has become far more prevalent and is increasingly viewed as mainstream rather than as an edgier or riskier practice, with many young adults first experiencing or learning about it in their teenage years.
Consent practices around rough sex are frequently inconsistent or absent. In one campus survey, a majority of students who had been choked said their partner rarely or never asked first.
Choking in particular carries real physical risks (bruising, loss of consciousness, and in rare cases, stroke or death) and researchers note that consensual and non consensual choking can be difficult to distinguish afterward, which has implications for both clinical care and forensic examination.
Pornography, social media, and mainstream media are consistently identified as primary sources through which adolescents and young adults learn about and normalize rough sex practices, often without accompanying information about consent or risk.
What This Means For You: If rough sex is part of your relationship, what matters most isn't the specific behavior but how it's approached: clear communication beforehand, ongoing check ins, and knowing you have the ability to change your mind mid act. If choking is involved, it's worth knowing this is one of the higher risk practices discussed in the research, and many people report it happening without a prior conversation about consent. Wanting rough sex, and wanting to talk openly about it first, are not in conflict with each other and are clearly encouraged.
Disclaimer: Research findings describe patterns across groups, not predictions about any one relationship.